Wednesday, 8 July 2020

Dear overachievers

A shot of the outside of George Orwell's former house in London
I saw a tweet that said, ‘Black women have a serious problem with resting and relaxing. Honestly, abysmal. We don’t know how to do it and when we actually do it, we feel guilty and it defeats the purpose. Operating in a constant state of exhaustion and guilt’ and I felt attacked, so I got my laptop out and started writing and now you’re here to read my word vomit.

How do you practise self-care? I know what it is, and I know the things that make me feel good but how do you completely switch off from the outside world and give your mind and body time to heal? It’s funny because I have Sunday’s marked on my calendar as “self-care Sunday’s” but no self-care is practised on a Sunday. I preach about self-care too, especially to my employees and close friends, but I don’t practise it. Why is that?

I think the only way to figure out my issue with practising self-care is to find the cause of my incapability to relax. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best because I was an overachieving child. A few weeks ago, I read through my school reports and found that I’ve always performed above the national average, been on the school council, represented at national sports, played the violin, went to ballet school etc and now as an adult, I’m never satisfied with my achievements so I’m always striving for more so I can get the same buzz that being an overachieving child gives you.  

I enjoy working, some may call me a typical Capricorn. My life revolves around work and when my workload decreases, I will find a way to increase it just so I feel "me" again. Working provides me with a sense of security that I perhaps don’t have in other areas of my life. I can control my work, from start to finish and what I produce is a reflection of me, so I work tirelessly to make everything I put out immaculate. No one expects this of me but me, I feel like if I decrease my workload then I become meaningless. I’m no longer Francisca who has her sh*t together, I’m just Francisca and I don’t want to be “just me”. Well, I do but I want to be me with purpose and working gives me that.

Lockdown has definitely increased my unhealthy working habits. I find myself answering emails until 3am in the morning, creating graphics outside of my team's agreed working hours or signing up to more free courses in the name of "self-development" and "productivity". I want to do better and by writing this post, I'm holding myself publicly accountable and I hope former or current overachievers take comfort from my words. 

How people around me can help me to practise self-care is by saying no when I offer to help you. I love helping people, but I often put helping others before helping myself and that’s how my periods of bad mental health begin. 

Francisca
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